Monday, 17 January 2011

US Special: Pontiac Aztek

New car releases are a little bit thin on the ground just now, so I thought rather than leave the blog languishing with no new posts, I would take this opportunity for a series of reviews of some cars I had the fortune and misfortune of seeing on a recent trip to the "Good 'Ol US of A".

You see, the thing is, Americans are simple people. They aren't bothered by sophisticated things like cappucinos, high fashion and decent haircuts. No, they'll make do with the drain water they call coffee, Walmart clothes and mullets. In fairness, it's not everyone in America who is like this, but you just don't see them outside of America.

Similarly, there are certain cars you don't see outside of America. The Pontiac Aztek, for example. Driving in America is very different to Europe; the roads are straight and monotonous, so there's no need for decent steering. The speed limits are ridiculously low, so there's no need for decent brakes or acceleration. There's no shortage of space, so the lanes are 12 feet wide, and 8 of them. Some of the roads are hundreds of miles long before a gentle turn appears, so you may need to stop at a McDonald's or three on the way and therefore there are thousands of them, everywhere, just off the interstate roads.

If you go to shopping malls, you might lose your car in the seas of thousands of identical SUVs. So Pontiac came up with a solution - create a car so ugly that you'll never lose it. That's the only way that such a car could come into existence, through the mind of someone deliberately trying to make an unmistakable, ugly car. In fact, I'm pretty sure this is the premise of the whole American car design industry, since there are thousands of other hideous cars available for purchase, although not many as ugly as this. The Pontiac Aztek is a monstrosity, and doesn't even manage to blend in surrounded by what must be the ugliest car market in the world.

No comments:

Post a Comment