Tuesday, 26 April 2011

Why I shall never again ask for directions.

Every so often, a car pulls up alongside me as I walk along. The window comes down, and a head leans out.

"Excuse me, do you know the way to St. Mary's Cathedral?" was the question today. The correct anwer is a simple "Yes" but for some reason, I actually tried to give this imbecile the clearest and most concise directions I could.

His poor face, the confusion set in shortly after the second turn. And the trouble is, it's not just him.

Think about it. How many times have you asked for directions and been given step by step directions that take you to your final destination? Never.

And how many times have you been asked for directions? Hundreds of times. And it's not that either of you is more intelligent than the other, it's that asking a stranger for directions is entirely pointless.

Almost as pointless as setting off with no bloody idea where you're going in the first place.

Normally, if I am going somewhere I've never been before I will have a look at a map. I will search online for where I'm going and get a rough idea. Then I will also put it into the sat nav, which I will ignore steadfastly because I know the best route. But there's no doubt, and that's why I don't ask for directions.

And most people I know only very occasionally ask for directions. Which means that there are hundreds of cretins, up and down the land, asking directions to everywhere they go. They stop and ask how to get to the supermarket. Then they stop and ask how to get home. And they get progressively more and more lost as time goes on. This is clearly not acceptable, and the only sensible thing to do is to stop giving out directions. You've got to be cruel to be kind, and if you stop spoon-feeding these imbeciles they will have to learn, or stop driving.

Next time, I shall reply, "Yes" and walk on.